Diminished Gluteal Syndrome

I missed the VMA’s this year just as I do every year because, like a lot of you, I had better things to do. Unlike many Americans I tend to stay out of obsessive celebrity culture. I don’t care what lettuce Lady Gaga had in her salad this afternoon, I just enjoy her music while I’m grinding my junk on sexy men and pouring cranberry x vodka down my throat. While I was doing just that Sunday night America got all shocked and outraged again, this time about Miley Cyrus’…I guess tantalizing performance of that one song about railing ecstasy, and then rubbing her ass on the white guy who re-released a Marvin Gaye track.

I suppose now would be a good time to amend my previous statement; I do enjoy celebrity culture when I can make fun of them. If enjoying the misfortune of those who open themselves to the global eye is a crime, put me in the stocks and bring a lot of tomatoes. And I gotta say, having watched her act, it took some real balls to wear that skin colored two piece that made her look diapered in the first half and gave her Hank Hill ass in the second. All the while with a drooping tongue like a dog in a parked car in the middle of summer. While it was evident Disney trained her well as a performer, there’s clearly some rough edges to be padded out before folks at-large will accept her as more than Hannah Montana. No matter how much she screams “I’m an adult!” and jams foam fingers between her legs.

Probably the most overblown of all the criticisms hurled her way is that her performance was racist. I’m as sensitive to racism as any multiracial young man would be, but Miley’s VMA schtick is but a new link in an old, old chain of events. In the 1950’s Elvis Presley ‘invented’ rock & roll and hip-shaking by singing songs by black people like Arthur Crudup and Big Mama Thornton. His manager even said numerous times if he found a white man that could sing like a Negro he would be rich. And then he did, and he was. Later on Motown redefined pop music in the 60s, disco took over in the 70s, and today’s rap dominance roots back to the mid-1980s. And this isn’t even speaking of afros, lapels, basketball shoes, shiny rims, dropping consonants, and flat-brim hats with the stickers left on. Black culture has been copied by white people for generations because it’s cool, and everyone wants to be cool. You know it and I know it. Like many things that began in black America, our people lost the exclusivity of twerking long ago. I remember the first time I saw a white girl bopping her ass was at a middle school dance over ten years ago. These days twerking is more a hallmark of slutty youth than anything else. And lest I be accused of slut shaming, there’s nothing wrong with getting around. I refer you back to my Sunday night.

Now, it is true that Miley often puts her foot in her mouth when doing anything regarding race. In the past she’s said she’s “not some ratchet white girl” and that she “likes hood music” but doesn’t want to be “a white Nicki Minaj,” probably among other things there wasn’t a live mic around. One thing I can’t consciously defend is her use of black backups, in both the “We Can’t Stop” video and performance, exclusively as asses to shake, grab, and smack. Maybe she just wanted some girls with donk to dance with, and as is usually the case (sorry white ladies) they were all some kind of brown? However innocent her intentions the objectification of black bodies was still unfitting for where we’re supposed to be with race relations. This highlights the difference between ignorance and malice; we must correct ignorance wherever found as that’s the only way to learn. But I sincerely doubt she herself sees black people as objects because of their blackness. You can’t be angry with her–she’s a rich, sheltered, privileged-as-fuck 20 year old white girl who until recently had her entire existence managed by the world’s biggest entertainment corporation. Of course she didn’t know any better.

Racism still exists and it’s fine to get upset about it when it shows up, but rather than responding with venom and shakes of your damn head, work constructively to fix the problem. This Wednesday is the 50th anniversary of the March on Washington for Jobs and Freedom, where Dr. King delivered perhaps one of the best speeches in the western world’s history. Above all else the King legacy is cooperation over conflict. You can’t be mad when a woman separated from reality doesn’t grasp the real world implications of her actions. All you can do is teach. It’s also important to remember we are all guilty of being accidentally offensive sometimes. To put my own neck out I remember one time I thought I whispered to my friend that a passing African was “black as midnight”, when the murder glare I received proved I was plenty loud. And considering society at large, think how often you hear Asians or something Asian be referred to as Oriental. Glass houses, everyone.